Ministry Leaders Need Garden Friends

By / Oct 13

“Jesus could have done it alone, but he didn’t.” Our conference speaker, Dave Busby, had my attention. “Jesus asked Peter, John, and James to go with him to pray in the garden of Gethsemane. How much more will you need ‘garden friends’ in your darkest hours of life and ministry?” A seed was planted that weekend.

Jesus grew that seed into a bounty of spiritual fruit in a small group of us who have practiced garden friendship for over thirty-five years. Together we have weathered the anguish of our own Gethsemanes: cancer, church conflict, care and loss of parents, raising children, strained marriages, depression, chronic pain, being fired, and a grease fire. Here’s what we’ve learned so far about being “garden friends.”

What’s Special about a Garden Friend?

A garden friend is not a “garden variety” friend. “Garden variety” means ordinary, everyday, or common. In Gethsemane, a “garden variety” friend just wouldn’t do. Jesus was looking for a special kind of friend for His specific time of need.

1. Garden Friends Are Often Only Found in Special Gardens

Gethsemane means “olive press” and is a walled garden on the slope of the Mount of Olives where olives were crushed under a stone pillar to extract their oil. Here, Jesus’ soul was crushed to the point of brow bleeding agony (Luke 22:44). Jesus invited three disciples to remain near Him in the press of His loving service to sinners. Jesus was in no ordinary garden. He needed not-so-ordinary friends. Ministry leaders, you also need garden friends in the press of ministry life.

2. Garden Friends Are Few in Number

Garden friendships require a more intentional investment of time and attention that only a few people can provide. Jesus asked nine disciples to sit close by, but only three were asked to remain closer to Him in this desperate hour (Mark 14:32–34).

Who are the few garden friends you can safely invite into your special seasons of sorrow and struggle? My wife and I have been held and helped by the handful of garden friends with whom we’ve walked for decades. Ask Jesus for a few garden friends and for help to be a garden friend to a few people.

What Does a Garden Friend Do?

A garden friend finds pathways into another person’s pain and remains there as his friend wrestles with the Father. Jesus showed his friends the paths into his pain by what he instructed them to do.

1. The Path of Presence

Jesus said, “Remain here” (Matt. 26:38; Mark 14:34). He wanted them with Him. I sat alone in the burn unit waiting room the day after 38% of my wife’s body was burned in a kitchen grease fire. My garden friend, Damon, unexpectedly walked into the room and embraced me. He got on a plane that morning to be with us. The taxi driver dropped him at the wrong hospital, so he walked five miles to be with us.

2. The Path of Paying Attention

Jesus said, “Watch”—stay awake and alert (Matt. 26:40–41; Mark 14:37–38). He wanted them to remain alert to their own weakness, His pain and prayers, and the threat of the enemy. Weekly phone calls with my garden friend, Steve—who pastors in a different state than me—help us both pay attention to our ministry hearts and hurts, wins and losses, and joys and fears. Steve’s insightful questions allow me to be known by another and help me see Jesus. He walks the “watch” path well.

3. The Path of Prayer

Jesus said, “Pray that you will not enter into temptation” (Luke 22:40). Our group was inspired by the movie image of Roman soldiers shouting, “Lock shields!” as they brought together their individual shields around and above them to form a tortoise-like shell of protection from the enemy. Whether in person, by call, or text, one of us will say “Lock shields!” and ask for prayer. Sometimes we simply send the shield emoji. We pray for each specific need, yes, but more that our hearts will not doubt our Father, deny Jesus, or disregard the Holy Spirit.

My wife and I treasure the well-worn paths between us and our garden friends.

If the Disciples Failed, Can I Be a Faithful Friend?

Jesus’ hand-picked garden friends failed! They fell asleep and fell short of walking those paths with Him into His pain. I, too, have a willing spirit but weak flesh (Matt. 26:41).

The good news is that Jesus is the first faithful Garden Friend. When His garden friends stumbled, Jesus walked those paths back to them. Jesus returned to be present with them even in their weakness. He paid attention to their willing spirits and weary bodies. Then He locked shields with the Father against the enemy in prayer. He was pressed, and love flowed. He submitted to all He would have to suffer to crush Satan, sin, suffering, and death under the power of His love for failing friends. He was the true Garden Friend in their place and for their sake.

He is that garden friend for you! Jesus showed up in the flesh as “God with us.” He pays attention to every hair on your head and hurt of your heart. On the cross, He prayed, “It is finished!” paying the price of your failure to be His friend. By His Spirit, He enables you to cry out, “Abba, Father!” (Rom. 8:15).

Jesus trail-blazed the paths that garden friends follow, and He has filled us with His Spirit. For almost four decades, our garden friend, Jesus, has shown up in the flesh for us through our friends and for them through us. What a friend we have in Jesus!

Pray that the Spirit will help you find and be garden friends. Through garden friendship, you’ll tangibly experience the comfort of Christ’s presence with you in your trials and temptations.



Why We Resent Other People’s Success

By / Oct 8

The Invitation of Envy

The Bible is not naïve about the brokenness of the world around us. It doesn’t describe life according to our wishful thinking. No, it describes and matches life as it truly is. Proverbs 1:10–19 is a clear example of this.

The passage is blunt, realistic, and disturbing because it shows how evil works—not only through obvious violence, but through social dynamics, recruiting, grievance, and even shared resentment.

I think that’s why the father in Proverbs doesn’t begin by talking to his son about abstract concepts. Instead, he tells him the truth about the kind of world he is entering. He points out that sinners entice and evil always comes with an inviting attitude. Indeed, there’s such a thing as a kind of “reverse-evangelism” where fools don’t just want to sin alone but invite others into their dead-end lives.

“Come with us,” they say. They embrace the language of this kind of shared destruction. The end of that path isn’t always literal murder. Sometimes, it’s deeper and hits closer to home than that.

As I was studying this passage, one writer asked this question: Are you happy when other people succeed, or are you happy when they get their comeuppance?[1]

That’s a good question. Asking ourselves a question like that will reveal a lot about where we are headed. That question reaches beyond typical gang violence and beyond the thinking that someone is going to rob my grandma if I’m not careful.

It reaches into the ordinary poison of the human heart. The text points to pride, envy, greed, jealousy, retaliation, and what is called a kind of “bloodlust” deep in every heart. Violence begins there. It happens before hands ever move or weapons are ever drawn.

The human heart lies in wait for blood.

That is why success can become the unpardonable crime in the eyes of rampant sinners and even in the eyes of people we know.

For example, we can start with the person who writes better, speaks better, works harder, or is more successful than us. To the envious heart, these people seem guilty of every imaginable offense. Its cry is, “Down with him! Get rid of their success at any cost!”

When Another Person’s Success Feels Like a Threat

Think of Cain. Cain could not bear Abel’s acceptance, so he murdered him. Saul could hardly endure David’s praise, so he tried to pin him against the wall. Joseph’s brothers could not tolerate the favor given to him, so they put him in a pit and sold him into slavery. Even the religious leaders grew jealous of Jesus and handed Him over to be crucified. It’s clear then, that human beings don’t simply dislike evil; they often hate excellence, fruitfulness, favor, and blessing in another because their giftings and successes expose what is lacking or disordered in themselves.

For the envious heart, another person’s success can feel like the greatest offense. So they recruit.

Envy Always Wants Company

Sin is always finding people who agree with it. I think this is one of its darkest features. A man rarely stays content with his private resentment and will begin to gather others. His thoughts and feelings creep into all his conversations. We find him becoming increasingly obsessed. He wants allies and company because his grievance enjoys fellowship.

“Throw in your lot among us,” the sinners say (Prov. 1:14). From there, we watch a cause—even a negative cause—provide a context people can belong to, and it feels good. More than that, it feels meaningful. But when men gather around grievance rather than Jesus, that is not community at all. It is what Ray Ortlund calls counterfeit community, even black-market relationships.[2]

This is everywhere we look. Bullies at school, office meetings, divisions in churches, neighbors endlessly gossiping, political movements fueled by retaliation, and the list goes on. These are all variations of the same old invitation:

“Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood.”

Sure, the methods changed and the vocabulary became more respectable, but the call is the same. We build communities that, in one way or another, slit each other’s throats and call it justice and discernment.

So the question is: Is there something better?

Christ Offers a Better Way

Yes, Proverbs gives the son another option. The offer of wisdom in verses 8–9 is beautiful. The father says that wisdom will become a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. In other words, wisdom adorns a person’s life with true beauty. It makes a person attractive in the truest sense of the word. The answer in Proverbs is continually the same: Get wisdom.

Paul’s command to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ” captures the same idea (Rom. 13:14). Wisdom is seen in reasonableness, honor, humility, and a life that is not oriented around itself. Wisdom is not just asking for a life of rule-keeping. Wisdom is found in Christ. Wisdom is the attractive glory of Christ beginning to show itself in the human heart.

And the final answer to our bloodlust is peace. Not the world’s peace, but the peace found in Christ. The gospel reminds us that God is not lying in wait for our blood. He gave His own son at the cross. When the peace of Christ rules the heart, a person no longer needs another man’s downfall to feel justified. He can become, by grace, a peacemaker rather than a rival, a life-giver rather than a destroyer.

Do you recognize this attitude in your own life? Do you see it in your friends or your church?

Instead of joining communities built on resentment, become the kind of person who delight in the grace of God wherever it appears. The wisdom of Christ frees us to rejoice in another person’s blessing because our hope is secure in Him.

May we heed the father’s instruction: “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent (Prov. 1:10).

[1] Ray Ortlund, Proverbs: Wisdom That Works (Wheaton: Crossway, 2012), 38–40.

[2] Ortlund, Proverbs, 38–40.



FTC Film Club

By / Oct 7

It’s possible Jared just wanted to trick Ronni into talking about UFO’s again, but on this new installment in the FTC Film Club feature, the guys discuss the artistic excellence and spiritual resonance of M. Night Shyamalan’s 2002 film, Signs.



Make the Most of Your Singleness: Living Faithfully as a Single Christian

By / Oct 6

If you knew today that you were going to be single for the rest of your life, how would you begin serving God?

Perhaps this is the first time you have considered the possibility that you may be single for the rest of your life. This should prompt you to reflect on your own devotion to the Lord. Since God knows what He has planned for your life, you can devote yourself fully to Him in your present season and trust Him to orchestrate the details of your future.

Do not wait to begin serving God wholeheartedly until you are married. Rest in God’s sovereignty knowing that if He has called you to marriage, He will make it happen. As you trust God, I want to share a few reflections to help you maximize your singleness for His glory (Col. 3:23).

1. The Desire to Marry Is Good.

The desire to be married is a God-given one. Marriage can be a beautiful picture of the gospel, as shown in Paul’s instructions to the Christians at Ephesus about a God-honoring marriage (Eph. 5:22–33). The desire to be married is not sinful; rather, the New Testament shows that Paul gives God-honoring counsel to both single and married Christians. Therefore, you should take that desire to God in prayer often.

The Apostle Paul also acknowledges that some Christians will strongly desire marriage. Addressing Christians who are single, the Apostle Paul writes, “I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire” (1 Cor. 7:8–9). Paul recognizes that marriage is a God-honoring path for those who desire it. Therefore, if you desire marriage, bring that desire to God in prayer and trust Him with His timing and purposes.

2. Marriage Can Be Idolized.

While marriage has been created by God, it can become an idol in your life.  If that desire is not held prayerfully with open hands, it can grow into an idol, pushing God from the primary place in your heart. Paul calls out this temptation in the church at Corinth, “I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32–34a). The demands of marriage and family bring additional responsibilities that can divide your attention in ways single believers do not experience.

This is why I challenge you to think about how you would live your life if marriage was not in the picture for you. Marriage is not meant to satisfy the God-sized void in your life. The fifth-century Christian theologian St. Augustine famously remarked, “You made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you.”[1]

If you desire to get married, know that your future husband or wife will not satisfy you because only God can. While marriage is created by God, it is the union of two imperfect people. Do not idolize marriage; instead, be fully devoted to God in your singleness because this life is all about glorifying Him, not worshipping a spouse or expecting them to do what only God can.

3. Singleness Is a Gift from God.

Lastly, considering what has been said, I am not advocating that marriage should be dreaded. I simply want to draw out Paul’s point that singleness is a gift in the way that marriage is a gift. Paul says, “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that.” (1 Cor. 7:7; emphasis added).

Paul wishes that all were single like he is, but he recognizes that God has given the gift of marriage to some and the gift of being single to others. Marriage brings unique blessings, but it also brings unique responsibilities and challenges that single believers do not bear. Singleness is a gift because you can be fully devoted to God without the distractions of marriage and family life.

I want to ask you one more time: If you knew today that you were going to be single for the rest of your life, how would you begin serving God?

Make the most of your singleness by serving God with the same wholehearted devotion you would have if you knew you would remain single for the rest of your life. You have the gift of serving God with an undistracted devotion. There are so many ways to steward this gift well. Go on mission trips. Serve in your local church. Start a discipleship group. Find a godly mentor. Read good books. Write. Prioritize the spiritual disciplines.

This life is all about worshipping Him, so how will you steward the season He has given you? Don’t let your wishes about being married get in the way of your full devotion to God. And if God sees it fit to bring a companion alongside you to run the race set before you, trust in His sovereignty to work it out. Marriage, too, is a good gift.

[1] Augustine, Confessions, trans. R. S. Pine-Coffin (London: Penguin, 1961), 21.



Why Biblical Counseling Can’t Be Neutral

By / Oct 5

Restoring the Antithesis

The principle of the antithesis can be described in two ways. First, it is the fundamental opposition between the believer and unbeliever related to our spiritual state (Gen. 3:15; Matt. 6:24; Rom. 8:5–9).[1] Believers and unbelievers live in the same reality of God’s created world, but every person is either spiritually dead in sin in Adam or united by faith and given new life in Christ (Rom. 5:12–21)[2]. For instance, the sheep and goats are together (Matt. 25:31–46). The wheat and weeds grow together (Matt. 13:24–43). Nevertheless, this temporary togetherness will end when the believer and unbeliever are finally separated at the end of the age. For now, both live in God’s created world but are spiritually at odds with each other. While we share workplaces, live in the same neighborhoods, drive the same streets, and shop at the same grocery stores, the difference between Christians and non-Christians is no less than between light and darkness (1 John 1:5–10).[3]

Second, the antithesis is the fundamental opposition between the believer and unbeliever related to our epistemological commitments (Eph. 4:17–18).[4] As John Frame writes, it is “the opposition between Christian and non-Christian thought.”[5] We observe the same world, but we have drastically different starting points and opposing interpretations. This contrast is between rival worldviews. Every worldview begins with its own set of first principles. It is a frame of reference that orients and directs our thinking. It is directly related to our spiritual state. For example, a humanistic psychologist assumes that man is by nature good, growth-oriented, and will thrive if given the right conditions. These are worldview commitments that directly oppose a biblical view of man as a sinner in need of divine redemption. The fall plunged man into a sea of distortion, folly, and intellectual rebellion (1 Tim. 6:5). Sin has cast a thick darkness over the unbelieving mind. When consistent, the unbeliever will express futility in thinking from a spiritually darkened heart (Rom. 1:21–28). By default, he interprets and responds to the facts around him through the lens of unbelief. In contrast, believers have the mind of Christ and, when consistent, interpret the world according to God’s Word (1 Cor. 2:14–16). In either case, human reason is never spiritually neutral.

This spiritual and epistemological conflict shows up in systems of thought. For this reason, a complete contrast must be maintained between believing and unbelieving systems of thought (Col. 2:6–8).[6] God’s wisdom and ways are categorically opposed to the wisdom and ways of the world (Job 28:12–28; Prov. 1:7; 1 Cor. 1:21, 25–31; 2:14; James 3:13–18).[7]

Beginning in the garden of Eden, there have been two opposing counsels—the counsel of God and the counsel of the evil one (Gen. 1–3). The two opposing counsels are presented in Psalm 1:1–2: “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” Adams comments, “The Psalms, in particular, from the first Psalm on, set up the antithesis between the two ways and the two kinds of people who walk on them. It is not right for Christians, therefore, to become enamored with the ways of the world. From the garden of Eden, it has always been a choice between God’s Word and the devil’s, between the way of life and the way of death.”[8]

Counseling and the Antithesis

What does the principle of the antithesis have to do with counseling? As Adams developed biblical counseling, he accepted Van Til’s claim that all unbelieving systems of thought are opposed to biblical thinking. In his words, he aimed “to expose sharply the antitheses that exist [between Christianity and the major schools of counseling]. For too long biblical presuppositions and methodology either have been ignored or blurred by eclecticism.”[9] For this reason, the antithesis serves as a foundational principle of the biblical counseling movement. Using Van Til’s language, Adams presents, “In God’s world, all men are related to him as covenant breakers or covenant keepers (in Christ). The judgments of unbelievers, therefore, are arrived at and presented from a point of view which attempts to divorce itself from God.”[10]

Powlison, too, acknowledges that man is “either a covenant-breaker bedewed with common grace, or a covenant keeper compromised by indwelling sin and prone to suffer.”[11] In either case, a theorist or counselee’s spiritual state will fundamentally determine his interpretive framework. For this reason, he prioritizes “discerning the antithesis between secularism and biblical truth.”[12] Such discernment must be applied both when evaluating other counseling systems and working with specific counselees. A systematic, biblical approach to counseling will oppose secular counseling systems over issues such as: (1) the epistemological standard for truth and authority, (2) the jurisdictional standard for who has the right to help, and (3) the remedial resources to diagnose and cure souls effectively.[13] Powlison presented at least these three areas of sharp contrast and fundamental disagreement.

On this account, the clash is over basic issues such as the nature of knowledge, what it means to be human, the nature of people’s problems, who is authorized to help troubled people, and what resources can bring true remedy. Powlison believed the modern psychologies launched a self-conscious, intentional attack against Christianity.[14] As such, there can be no peace between biblical Christianity and the modern therapies. Through Word-based ministry, biblical counselors must make it our business to take every system of thought captive to obey Christ by destroying the competing arguments and lofty opinions raised against the knowledge of God (2 Cor. 10:4–6).

[1] Van Til used the term “absolute ethical antithesis.” Cornelius Van Til, An Introduction to Systematic Theology: Prolegomena and the Doctrines of Revelation, Scripture, and God, ed. William Edgar, 2nd ed. (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2007), 64. James Anderson uses the term “spiritual orientation.” James N. Anderson, “Presuppositional Apologetics,” in Understanding Christian Apologetics: Five Methods for Defending the Faith, ed. Timothy Paul Jones (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2025), 95, Kindle. Oliphint proposes the term “covenantal” in place of “ethical.” K. Scott Oliphint, Covenantal Apologetics: Principles and Practice in Defense of Our Faith (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2013), 47–67, Kindle. In this sense, then, the antithesis can be described as ethical, spiritual, or covenantal.

[2] Scott Oliphint argues, “An absolute ethical antithesis is one in which there are not two worlds but two kinds of people in one world; two activities—in principle—that are associated with these people. To use the language of Reformed theology, there is a covenantal antithesis between believer and unbeliever. All people are either in Adam or in Christ. These are the two, and only two, covenantal representatives whom God has appointed.”

[3] According to James Anderson, “This is a categorical difference, not merely one of degree.” James N. Anderson, “Evangelizing Fallen People: Apologetics and the Doctrine of Sin,” in Ruined Sinners to Reclaim: Human Corruption in Historical, Biblical, Theological, and Pastoral Perspective, ed. David Gibson and Jonathan Gibson (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2024), 858.

[4] James Anderson explains, “A biblical epistemology should also recognize the fundamental antithesis between Christian thought and non-Christian thought—that is, between believers and unbelievers with respect to their intellectual orientation and outlook.” Anderson, “Presuppositional Apologetics,” 108, Kindle.

[5] John M. Frame, Apologetics: A Justification of Christian Belief, ed. Joseph E. Torres, 2nd ed. (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2015), 289.

[6] Greg Bahnsen clarifies, “Van Til held that there are no main points, systematically basic principles, or central truths in philosophy where the disagreement between the believer and the unbeliever will not be seen.” As such, he argues, “The antithesis between the thinking of the believer and the thinking of the unbeliever must be systemic and total.” Greg L. Bahnsen, Van Til’s Apologetic: Readings and Analysis (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 1998), 273–74.

[7] James Anderson asserts, “Paul draws a sharp contrast between the ‘wisdom of God’ revealed in Christ and the ‘wisdom of the world’ and correlatively between the ‘spiritual person’ and the ‘natural person.’” Anderson, “Presuppositional Apologetics,” 108.

[8] Jay E. Adams, Teaching to Observe: The Counselor as Teacher (Cordova, TN: Institute for Nouthetic Studies, 2020), 109, Logos Bible Software.

[9] Jay E. Adams, Shepherding God’s Flock: A Handbook on Pastoral Ministry, Counseling, and Leadership (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1974), 166, Kindle.

[10] Jay E. Adams, Competent to Counsel: Introduction to Nouthetic Counseling, The Jay Adams Library (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1970), 269.

[11] David Powlison, “Frame’s Ethics: Working the Implications for Pastoral Care,” in Speaking the Truth in Love: The Theology of John M. Frame, ed. John J. Hughes (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009), 760.

[12] Powlison, “Does Biblical Counseling Really Work?,” 64.

[13] David Powlison, “Modern Therapies and the Church’s Faith,” Journal of Biblical Counseling 15, no. 1 (Fall 1996): 34.

[14] Powlison, “Modern Therapies and the Church’s Faith,” 32.



How Pastors Can Fight Discouragement On Sunday

By / Oct 1

Why Sundays Can Discourage Pastors

Pastors are often discouraged. This is for a variety of reasons. Some pastors are left beaten, battered, and bruised by their congregations. Others are left burdened and discouraged by the normal things of ministry—unfinished tasks, needy sheep, financial stress, an upcoming counseling session, a deacons’ meeting that could go off the rails, etc. And all of this gets compounded by the stress of Sunday morning. Sunday morning is the big day. It is, naturally, what many pastors give the most weight to. Sunday, largely, will make or break a pastor’s level of encouragement. The “Monday blues” plague so many pastors, but what if the battle against Monday discouragement actually begins on Sunday itself? Your encouragement cannot depend on how you think Sunday went. It must be shaped by God’s faithfulness before, during, and after the service.

Before Sunday Morning

Wake up early. I know some preachers who finish their sermon on Sunday morning. As such, they wake up early—5:00 a.m. at least! Others I know are ready by Thursday afternoon and don’t need to be at the building until Sunday School starts. Let me encourage you to wake up early, especially if you do not have a sermon to write or notes to refine. Wake up early, do not look at your phone, and place the Lord’s Day service at the forefront of your mind.

Pray through the entire service that morning. Do not just pray for the things you are responsible for—the sermon, Scripture readings, Sunday School. Get out your order of service and pray for each element and those who will play a part. This gets your eyes and mind off of just what you are responsible for and puts your sight upon the wide array of other things which will be done to glorify the name of Christ. The sermon is very important, but it is not the only element of worship on Sunday.

Pray for the people of your church. It is natural to pray for the elements of worship and parts of your church—music team, ushers, etc.—but spend time praying for specific people. Perhaps specific people playing a part in service, or perhaps it is just people the Lord lays on your heart. Pray for the people of your church by name before you see them.

During Sunday Worship

Focus on who is there during the service. Focus on the number of people who showed up. That number may be low one particular week, but you must not let those who are not present steal away your affections and attention to those who are present. Aside from health concerns you may have for someone who is not accounted for, do not let your mind be occupied with the names and faces of those who are not there. . At least, not in the way that would lead you to be discouraged or to doubt. Focus on the 30, 300, or 3,000 who showed up. Imagine that, 30 people got out of bed and cancelled brunch plans to hear you preach! More than that, they showed up to worship alongside of you. That’s worth being encouraged by.

Try to find one thing each Sunday, unrelated to yourself, which encourages you. This is something I learned from a mentor, and it has paid dividends. By all means, be encouraged by those who thought you preached a good sermon and liked your outfit (I mean, your wife didn’t even pick out your clothes this time!). But look around at the church being the church and find something that encourages you which is totally unrelated to you. I am regularly encouraged by members who go out to lunch with one another. Just this week, I saw a member hand their newborn baby to a couple they have connected with recently. Those things encourage me and show me the work of the ministry being done by the saints.

After the Service

Eat a good lunch. Let me press in there for a moment. We are embodied creatures. The physical, mental, and spiritual all combine and all attribute to our state of being. Sunday is a stressful day. My fitness watch records my heart rate and “stress level” all day long. Sundays always have a spike around the time of Sunday service. Indeed the whole day is mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually taxing. You need to eat a good lunch with good nutritional value. As hungry as you may be, do not give into your flesh to overeat or to eat junk food. Your mind and soul will be served by taking care of what you put into your body.

Do not take a misery nap. If you have a rough, discouraging Sunday, do not just “sleep it off.” Nothing is worse for you than to take those discouraged emotions and that negative mindset and to try and pacify them with sleep. By all means, take a nap because you are worn out in service to Christ. (I mean, you got up at 4:30am after all!) If you are discouraged, don’t take a nap. Drink another cup of coffee, walk around outside, tell your wife to pinch you if you start nodding off—whatever you have to do. Just do not go to sleep. You will wake up groggy, cloudy, and even more discouraged than when you went to sleep.

Have a short memory. This is what they say of Quarterbacks after they throw an interception. If he goes out there unsure of himself or his preparation, on the next possession he will second guess himself and make a mistake. He needs to click “delete” on that file and move on. Likewise, brothers, have a short memory for the bad sermon you gave, embarrassing turn of phrase you used, or the lambasting you took from a church member. Learn from those things, sure, but do not let them linger upon your heart and mind.

The battle against discouragement is often won or lost before, during, and after the Sunday gathering. Take care how you spend your time and prepare your heart in each area and you will be more encouraged.



FTC Mailbag

By / Sep 30

It’s a new installment of the FTC Mailbag, in which Jared Wilson and Ronni Kurtz respond to your submitted questions and topics. On this episode, the guys speak to: applying to be a lay elder, cultivating the soul, keeping your mind from wandering during spiritual disciplines, preaching’s importance in a church, responding to a Catholic challenge on the sufficiency of Scripture, and breaking out of introverted ruts. If you’ve a question or topic to submit for a future episode, you can always email us at [email protected]



What Are You Reaching For?

By / Sep 29

Recently I’ve been asking myself a simple question: What am I reaching for?

My phone the moment I wake up. An energy drink before I’ve even fully opened my eyes. My wallet when I think buying one more thing might make life just a little better.

These things aren’t inherently bad. They may not even be a crutch for you. But I’ve become increasingly convinced that there is something deeper beneath them. What we reach for often reveals what we depend on.

Reaching Reveals Trust

My wife and I have three little children under four. If you’re a parent, or if you’ve been around little children, you can probably picture this story.

Every morning, we get our kids up. We open their door, their blinds, turn off the sound machine, change their pull-ups, and begin our trek downstairs for breakfast. And every morning, before we head downstairs for breakfast, our two-and-a-half-year-old reaches both hands toward me at the top of the stairs and says, “Daddy, carry me, please.” I used to think he was just clingy or needy, but then I realized something: That’s what children do. It’s all he knows.

He’s reaching because he’s tired and he knows I can safely carry him down the stairs. Children instinctively reach for the one they trust. In many ways, that’s exactly what the Lord invites us to do.

That realization forced me to ask a harder question for myself: If my son naturally reaches toward the one he trusts, what do my own instincts reveal about what I trust?

My heart instinctively reaches toward whatever it believes will satisfy. Sometimes it’s my phone, caffeine, or shopping. Other times it’s a distraction from what’s in front of me.

But why do I do it? Because I reach for what I think will provide satisfaction or safety.

Our reaching reveals our worship.

Consider what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount:

So don’t worry, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?” For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matt. 6:31–34)

Scripture reveals that the habits and routines that form my life don’t always reflect how the Lord calls me to worship and live.

Instead of reaching for my phone to scroll, I’m called to reach for my Bible to be renewed. Instead of reaching for an energy drink to get me through the day, I’m called to depend on the Lord for lasting joy and strength to live for Him. And when I’m tempted to reach for my wallet to buy the next best thing, I’m called to discern whether my purchase is a need or a want fueled by my desires.

And we’re not just called to the omission of something, but to the submission under the only One who can satisfy more abundantly than we can imagine.

Redirecting Our Desires

The Bible doesn’t simply tell us to stop seeking satisfaction, it redirects our desires altogether. Rather than chasing the world, Christ invites us to seek Him and His kingdom first, trusting that He alone provides what our hearts truly need.

Every morning my son reaches for me because he knows I’ll carry him safely down the stairs. The question I’ve been asking myself is simple: When life feels exhausting, when anxiety creeps in, when I’m bored, when I need comfort, who or what does my head and heart instinctively reach for?

By God’s grace, I want that same instinct to mark my own life. That my instinct isn’t to reach for my phone, wallet, or another distraction, but that my first instinct is to reach for Him. Because what I reach for first often reveals what I trust most.



Defending Complementarianism Without Diminishing Women

By / Sep 24

When Conviction Is Communicated Without Care

Dear brothers, honor your sisters.

In recent years, many pastors have found themselves in difficult positions and conversations as they seek to defend conservative biblical doctrine. In defending and holding to such doctrines, these shepherds are doing what they are called to do: Protect the sheep of God’s flock. In an age where progressive theology has challenged historic Christian beliefs and reshaped many denominations, there is a need for faithful leaders who stand firmly on sound doctrine and the authority of Scripture.

Jesus warned of “ravenous wolves” who would seek to harm His sheep (Matt. 7:15). If the church abandons biblical convictions regarding leadership, it is the church membership—the sheep of the pasture—that will ultimately be led astray and harmed. Therefore, pastors have a responsibility to protect the flock, guard sound doctrine, and faithfully proclaim the truth.

But as we contend for biblical convictions, we must remember that how we engage these conversations matters. Well-meaning pastors, brothers in Christ, and co-laborers in the work of the kingdom are seeking to uphold the biblical model of leadership found in Scripture. Yet, in the process, faithful women can be trampled underfoot.

Complementarian leadership does not mean the suppression or oppression of women, yet that is the impression being given through many media outlets and from those who disagree with this position. It is important for these brothers—who are leading churches around the world—to recognize that the language and rhetoric they use in this conversation is extremely important. Every pastor is involved at some level, and how things are said matters as much as what is said.

Defending Truth While Honoring People

In conversations about biblical leadership, two things can be true at the same time.

First, complementarianism is the ecclesiological position held by many conservative evangelicals regarding the roles of men and women in church leadership. Many evangelical churches and some denominations have sought to clarify these convictions to better reflect the teaching of Scripture.

At the same time, the way these convictions are communicated matters. A defense of biblical doctrine should never communicate a disregard for women who faithfully serve Christ and His church.

Unfortunately, there are many pastors and individuals who are doing more harm than good in the posture that they approach this issue. Due to how vehemently and passionately they argue, it makes it sound like they truly do wish to suppress women to the point of insignificance. This is largely accidental and is not the heart of biblical complementarianism. When we focus so much on what we oppose, it is easy to lose sight of who and what we are for.

Faithful pastors and students of the Word know how important women have always been to the work of the gospel. Jesus’ ministry was supported by women such as Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha of Bethany, and even the Samaritan woman who proclaimed Christ to her town. The birth of the church was spurred on with the help of women like Lydia, Phoebe, and Priscilla.

We celebrate the work of women throughout church history who devoted their lives to the advancement of the gospel on the mission field such as Elisabeth Elliott, Annie Armstrong, and Lottie Moon. In local churches around the world, there are countless women who have poured blood, sweat, and tears into the building of the church for the glory of God. Many of them have no desire for recognition—much less a title. They desire to use the gifts God has given them to serve Christ and make an impact on the world. That work must be honored, celebrated, and encouraged.

Remember Your Sisters

Brothers, you have sisters who are listening and following your leadership.

This is an important moment not only to fight for biblical convictions but also to stand alongside these women who are laboring with you to win souls for the Kingdom. Elevating women does not mean placing them into positions not allowed by Scripture. Elevating women in a biblical way means giving them every opportunity to serve in their own ministry capacities and to do their part in building the church. The church does not honor women by setting aside biblical convictions, nor does it honor biblical convictions by failing to honor women. As Paul says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10).



Celebrity Christians

By / Sep 23

Should “Christian celebrity” even be a thing? How should we think about Christians and fame? How should we think about the concept of public ministry and platform? On this ep of the FTC Podcast, Jared Wilson and Ronni Kurtz discuss the challenges — and potential — of Christian celebrities and Christian celebrity culture.