In the past month, what have you heard from those you love? Divorce, loneliness, layoffs, cancer, parenting struggles, disappointment, betrayal, conflict? Everyone we love will hurt and suffer. While we feel compassion, we often find ourselves at a loss for what to do. Whether it’s a struggling spouse, a grieving friend, or a hurting member in our church, we want to help, but we’re unsure of the best approach. We walk a fine line between giving people space and showing up, between speaking truth and offering a listening ear. We fear doing or saying the wrong thing. It’s difficult to navigate. So, how do we help those who are suffering? How can we grow in showing up with love and wisdom?
How Does God Want Us Involved with Those Who Are Suffering?
First, consider what God desires for you when you have suffered.
Paul reminds us that God is “the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Cor. 1:3–4).
In ALL your affliction, God wants to comfort you.
But what does comfort mean? When we think of comfort, we think of something enveloping—comfort food normally means something dripping in melted cheese, a comfortable blanket surrounds us with its softness, we sink deeply into a comfy chair. These images give us a sense of being surrounded and covered.
This is exactly what God wants to do in your suffering. He wants to totally surround you in His care. He is the God of all comfort.
And this is how He wants us to be involved with others. God’s method is giving comfort to His people and then giving comfort through His people.
What Kind of Comfort Can We Give to Those Who Are Suffering?
As we experience and reflect on all the diverse ways God has comforted us in our suffering, we become equipped to offer the same comfort to others. Consider the variety of ways God has comforted us and how this directs our comfort to others.
- Seeing
God: There is no secret pain. You never suffer alone in the dark. God sees your pain (Psalm 31:7), hurt, difficulty, and disappointment. You are not overlooked or ignored. His eyes are on you.
Our call: Distraction and self-concern are easy. Sometimes we are so busy, we miss the suffering of others in front of us. We miss the tear in the eye, the sullen face, or the absence. We must begin by developing eyes to see one another (Phil. 2:4, Prov. 22:9).
- Caring
God: God is not apathetic or cold to your pain. When God introduces Himself, one of the main ways He describes Himself is by telling us He is compassionate (Exod. 34:6)! Jesus wept when He saw the suffering of those He loves. It’s not different for you. He deeply feels your pain and sorrow. He cares (1 Pet. 5:8); He is filled with compassion.
Our call: Our goal shouldn’t simply be to make others feel better (Prov. 25:20); maybe we need to feel worse! We must enter into their pain, weeping with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). We don’t dismiss or offer petty encouragement like saying, “It could be worse,” or “It will all work out.” We start where God does, feeling deeply with compassion (Col. 3:12).
- Touching
God: The Bible gives images of God holding on to us (Isa. 41:10), metaphors to convey that God is not distant. And in the incarnation we get more than metaphor. Jesus comes in flesh and often expresses His care for those suffering through physical touch (Mark 8:22). Like a father carrying his child, an affectionate holding of the hand, an encouraging grasp on your shoulder, or the strong hug of a dear friend, God’s hand is on you in your suffering.
Our call: Maybe you have said, “I don’t know what to say.” Sometimes words aren’t sufficient. We are embodied people (Acts 20:36–38). Sometimes we need to let our arms do the speaking and just give a hug, or lay a hand in prayer.
- Bringing Joy
God: God doesn’t merely feel bad for us. He wants to actually transform our experience. He brings joy (Psalm 94:19) in the middle of gloom, light in the middle of darkness, and song to our silent suffering.
Our call: People suffering don’t want every conversation to be about the problem or every text to be checking in on them. They still want to have fun, play, and experience joy. Proverbs says a joyful heart is great medicine (Prov. 17:22). Find ways to include your suffering friends in fun activities and conversation.
- Praying
God: When you suffer, Jesus is praying for you (Heb. 7:25). He never tells you He will pray and then forgets. He never gets too tired or busy to remember you. When you are at a loss for words and don’t even know what you need to bring before God, Jesus, in His perfect wisdom and love, is interceding on your behalf.
Our call: Talking to God about others may feel unproductive. But by faith we believe God hears and answers prayer (2 Cor. 1:10-11). So, we pray. It also means that instead of only saying, “I’ll pray for you,” we should pray for one another on the spot. Additionally, when we text and say, “I’m praying,” we should be more specific. We should share what we are praying. Paul often shares the content of his prayers for others (Eph. 1:17-19), and it serves as a great encouragement.
- Helping
God: God doesn’t just address our emotions; He tangibly serves and helps us (Psalm 46:1). He cares for the practical needs we have (Matt. 6:8). Jesus healed, fed, and ate with people. Even now, we are told He helps by answering prayers and sending us the Holy Spirit as Helper.
Our call: It might seem spiritual to say, “All I need is God.” But, if by that we mean we are above material things, then we will miss out on how God actually meets our needs. When Paul was alone in prison, he requested help. He didn’t only say, “Pray for me.” He asked for specific things: his books and blanket (2 Tim. 4:13). That may sound like the requests of a preschooler, but the point is that we need tangible expressions of care. Prayer alone is not sufficient. Think how you can lift burdens (Gal. 6:2) by bringing a thoughtful gift, a meal, a coffee, watching kids, cleaning the house, etc. Don’t simply say, “What can I do,” but rather offer specifics by saying, “Let me…”
- Speaking
God: God is not silent in our suffering (Psalm 119:50). We need to hear truth in our confusion, encouragement in our despair, and words of hope in our loss. God’s words have given you life to cling to when everything was shaking. His promises have been your refuge. His voice has been your strength. He speaks.
Our call: It is easy to be fearful of speaking. Maybe we have fumbled before, or we just don’t know the right words. But we must not let our fear lead to silence. Wise words can cheer and heal (Prov. 12:18, 25). We can comfort by sharing our compassion (“You are on my heart,” “I’m sorry this is awful”) or by sharing reminders, particularly from the Psalms, of who God is and what He does (“God sees,” “God cares,” “God is with you”).
- Being Present
God: Suffering feels isolating and lonely. But you have never truly suffered alone. In whatever valley you’ve traversed, God has been right there with you (Psalm 23:4). Even if the pain stays, so does He. He is present in every hospital room, empty house, car ride, and room with the door locked. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Our call: We need the presence of others to bring comfort (2 Cor. 7:5–6). Even the apostle Paul pleaded with Timothy to come to him when he was in distress (2 Tim. 4:9–21). Sometimes it’s just being there for a few minutes. Sometimes it may be a red-eye flight. Or it may be a routine, weekly visit. There may be nothing you can do or change, but you can still go, show up, and be with those who are suffering.
- Understanding
God: Every pain we have God gets. He truly understands us. He made us and knows our frame. But, even more so, Christ lived through it Himself. He experienced the weakness, hurt, and death of this life. There isn’t a pain we have that He can’t understand (Heb. 2:17–18).
Our call: We may not understand each part someone has gone through, but we can understand the roots. We have all felt basic human experiences, at least in degree. There is no temptation that is not common to man (1 Cor. 10:13). This means we move toward one another; we listen, we ask them to tell us more, or we say, “If you want to talk, I’d love to hear how this is going…”
The More We Receive, the More We Can Give
We must not be self-sufficient in our suffering. Don’t bottle it up, turn away, or seek escape. God wants to comfort you. For every pain you have, His comfort is greater. Come to Him, pour out your heart at all times (Psalm 62:8), and receive from the God of all comfort.
As we do this, we will be filled with comfort to give. God’s comfort is both a gift and a tool. He is training and equipping us for ministry. Everyone we love will go through hurt and suffering, but God has given what you need to help with love and wisdom. You have been comforted and commissioned.