Do you remember the book The Five Love Languages? In the back of that book is a little quiz that helps you identify your love language. My love language is "Words of Affirmation." Yup! I like it when people tell me they love me and they think I'm awesome. My wife's love language? She is all about "Acts of Service." When I serve her, she feels loved. When she tells me I'm a great husband, a good father, and her hunk of burning love...I feel loved.
Still, even though her primary form of communication for love is centered on acts of service, there are things she needs to hear. In thinking about this, I’ve come to the conclusion that all wives, whether affirmation is their primary love language or not, need to hear their husband say these six things:
1. I love you.
Too often, a husband assumes (me included) that his wife knows she is loved. Tell her she is loved.
2. You are beautiful.
There are lots of words you could use to communicate how attractive your wife is to you. The best word to use is beautiful. Reserve this word for solely for your wife. Cars are not beautiful. A jump shot is not beautiful. Your wife ought to be beautiful in your eyes. (Also, memo to some pastors: calling your wife "smoking hot" on social media (or from the pulpit!) is both lame...and lame. Stop it.)
3. Thank you.
Being a wife and/or mother is hard work. If your wife is a homemaker, thank her for the hard and often overlooked work of caring for your family. If you don't thank her, who will? If your wife works outside the home, thank her for the hard work of trying to accomplish two difficult tasks: earning an income and caring for you/the family.
4. I'm not going anywhere.
One of the deepest needs every man can meet for his wife, is by providing a sense of security. You don't have to always say, "Hey, for the record...I'm not going anywhere." That could get weird and seem suspicious. Instead, periodically comment about the things you look forward to in future stages of life. Then, on occasion, remind her that you are here to stay.
5. I'm praying for you.
I'm terrible in this area. I pray a lot, but I'm horrible when it comes to telling people I've prayed for them, including my wife. Pray for you wife and tell her you pray for her. Let her know that when you talk to the most important Being that will ever exist (God), that you mention the most important person in your life (your wife).
6. You can have the remote.
Just do it, okay? Downton Abbey (probably) won't kill you.