If you knew today that you were going to be single for the rest of your life, how would you begin serving God?
Perhaps this is the first time you have considered the possibility that you may be single for the rest of your life. This should prompt you to reflect on your own devotion to the Lord. Since God knows what He has planned for your life, you can devote yourself fully to Him in your present season and trust Him to orchestrate the details of your future.
Do not wait to begin serving God wholeheartedly until you are married. Rest in God’s sovereignty knowing that if He has called you to marriage, He will make it happen. As you trust God, I want to share a few reflections to help you maximize your singleness for His glory (Col. 3:23).
1. The Desire to Marry Is Good.
The desire to be married is a God-given one. Marriage can be a beautiful picture of the gospel, as shown in Paul’s instructions to the Christians at Ephesus about a God-honoring marriage (Eph. 5:22–33). The desire to be married is not sinful; rather, the New Testament shows that Paul gives God-honoring counsel to both single and married Christians. Therefore, you should take that desire to God in prayer often.
The Apostle Paul also acknowledges that some Christians will strongly desire marriage. Addressing Christians who are single, the Apostle Paul writes, “I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire” (1 Cor. 7:8–9). Paul recognizes that marriage is a God-honoring path for those who desire it. Therefore, if you desire marriage, bring that desire to God in prayer and trust Him with His timing and purposes.
2. Marriage Can Be Idolized.
While marriage has been created by God, it can become an idol in your life. If that desire is not held prayerfully with open hands, it can grow into an idol, pushing God from the primary place in your heart. Paul calls out this temptation in the church at Corinth, “I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32–34a). The demands of marriage and family bring additional responsibilities that can divide your attention in ways single believers do not experience.
This is why I challenge you to think about how you would live your life if marriage was not in the picture for you. Marriage is not meant to satisfy the God-sized void in your life. The fifth-century Christian theologian St. Augustine famously remarked, “You made us for yourself and our hearts find no peace until they rest in you.”[1]
If you desire to get married, know that your future husband or wife will not satisfy you because only God can. While marriage is created by God, it is the union of two imperfect people. Do not idolize marriage; instead, be fully devoted to God in your singleness because this life is all about glorifying Him, not worshipping a spouse or expecting them to do what only God can.
3. Singleness Is a Gift from God.
Lastly, considering what has been said, I am not advocating that marriage should be dreaded. I simply want to draw out Paul’s point that singleness is a gift in the way that marriage is a gift. Paul says, “Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that.” (1 Cor. 7:7; emphasis added).
Paul wishes that all were single like he is, but he recognizes that God has given the gift of marriage to some and the gift of being single to others. Marriage brings unique blessings, but it also brings unique responsibilities and challenges that single believers do not bear. Singleness is a gift because you can be fully devoted to God without the distractions of marriage and family life.
I want to ask you one more time: If you knew today that you were going to be single for the rest of your life, how would you begin serving God?
Make the most of your singleness by serving God with the same wholehearted devotion you would have if you knew you would remain single for the rest of your life. You have the gift of serving God with an undistracted devotion. There are so many ways to steward this gift well. Go on mission trips. Serve in your local church. Start a discipleship group. Find a godly mentor. Read good books. Write. Prioritize the spiritual disciplines.
This life is all about worshipping Him, so how will you steward the season He has given you? Don’t let your wishes about being married get in the way of your full devotion to God. And if God sees it fit to bring a companion alongside you to run the race set before you, trust in His sovereignty to work it out. Marriage, too, is a good gift.
[1] Augustine, Confessions, trans. R. S. Pine-Coffin (London: Penguin, 1961), 21.