“Jesus could have done it alone, but he didn’t.” Our conference speaker, Dave Busby, had my attention. “Jesus asked Peter, John, and James to go with him to pray in the garden of Gethsemane. How much more will you need ‘garden friends’ in your darkest hours of life and ministry?” A seed was planted that weekend.
Jesus grew that seed into a bounty of spiritual fruit in a small group of us who have practiced garden friendship for over thirty-five years. Together we have weathered the anguish of our own Gethsemanes: cancer, church conflict, care and loss of parents, raising children, strained marriages, depression, chronic pain, being fired, and a grease fire. Here’s what we’ve learned so far about being “garden friends.”
What’s Special about a Garden Friend?
A garden friend is not a “garden variety” friend. “Garden variety” means ordinary, everyday, or common. In Gethsemane, a “garden variety” friend just wouldn’t do. Jesus was looking for a special kind of friend for His specific time of need.
1. Garden Friends Are Often Only Found in Special Gardens
Gethsemane means “olive press” and is a walled garden on the slope of the Mount of Olives where olives were crushed under a stone pillar to extract their oil. Here, Jesus’ soul was crushed to the point of brow bleeding agony (Luke 22:44). Jesus invited three disciples to remain near Him in the press of His loving service to sinners. Jesus was in no ordinary garden. He needed not-so-ordinary friends. Ministry leaders, you also need garden friends in the press of ministry life.
2. Garden Friends Are Few in Number
Garden friendships require a more intentional investment of time and attention that only a few people can provide. Jesus asked nine disciples to sit close by, but only three were asked to remain closer to Him in this desperate hour (Mark 14:32–34).
Who are the few garden friends you can safely invite into your special seasons of sorrow and struggle? My wife and I have been held and helped by the handful of garden friends with whom we’ve walked for decades. Ask Jesus for a few garden friends and for help to be a garden friend to a few people.
What Does a Garden Friend Do?
A garden friend finds pathways into another person’s pain and remains there as his friend wrestles with the Father. Jesus showed his friends the paths into his pain by what he instructed them to do.
1. The Path of Presence
Jesus said, “Remain here” (Matt. 26:38; Mark 14:34). He wanted them with Him. I sat alone in the burn unit waiting room the day after 38% of my wife’s body was burned in a kitchen grease fire. My garden friend, Damon, unexpectedly walked into the room and embraced me. He got on a plane that morning to be with us. The taxi driver dropped him at the wrong hospital, so he walked five miles to be with us.
2. The Path of Paying Attention
Jesus said, “Watch”—stay awake and alert (Matt. 26:40–41; Mark 14:37–38). He wanted them to remain alert to their own weakness, His pain and prayers, and the threat of the enemy. Weekly phone calls with my garden friend, Steve—who pastors in a different state than me—help us both pay attention to our ministry hearts and hurts, wins and losses, and joys and fears. Steve’s insightful questions allow me to be known by another and help me see Jesus. He walks the “watch” path well.
3. The Path of Prayer
Jesus said, “Pray that you will not enter into temptation” (Luke 22:40). Our group was inspired by the movie image of Roman soldiers shouting, “Lock shields!” as they brought together their individual shields around and above them to form a tortoise-like shell of protection from the enemy. Whether in person, by call, or text, one of us will say “Lock shields!” and ask for prayer. Sometimes we simply send the shield emoji. We pray for each specific need, yes, but more that our hearts will not doubt our Father, deny Jesus, or disregard the Holy Spirit.
My wife and I treasure the well-worn paths between us and our garden friends.
If the Disciples Failed, Can I Be a Faithful Friend?
Jesus’ hand-picked garden friends failed! They fell asleep and fell short of walking those paths with Him into His pain. I, too, have a willing spirit but weak flesh (Matt. 26:41).
The good news is that Jesus is the first faithful Garden Friend. When His garden friends stumbled, Jesus walked those paths back to them. Jesus returned to be present with them even in their weakness. He paid attention to their willing spirits and weary bodies. Then He locked shields with the Father against the enemy in prayer. He was pressed, and love flowed. He submitted to all He would have to suffer to crush Satan, sin, suffering, and death under the power of His love for failing friends. He was the true Garden Friend in their place and for their sake.
He is that garden friend for you! Jesus showed up in the flesh as “God with us.” He pays attention to every hair on your head and hurt of your heart. On the cross, He prayed, “It is finished!” paying the price of your failure to be His friend. By His Spirit, He enables you to cry out, “Abba, Father!” (Rom. 8:15).
Jesus trail-blazed the paths that garden friends follow, and He has filled us with His Spirit. For almost four decades, our garden friend, Jesus, has shown up in the flesh for us through our friends and for them through us. What a friend we have in Jesus!
Pray that the Spirit will help you find and be garden friends. Through garden friendship, you’ll tangibly experience the comfort of Christ’s presence with you in your trials and temptations.